my wish list

• I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and are important and I need to hear their name.
  
• If I cry or get emotional when we talk about my loved one, I wish you new it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that they have died has caused my tears. If you allow me to cry, I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
  
• I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.
  
• I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish that you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.

• I wish you knew all these 'crazy' grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.
  
• I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for me. As with alcoholics, I will never be 'cured' or a 'formally bereaved', but for evermore be recovering from my bereavement.
  
• I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses or be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.
  
• My loved one's birthday, the anniversary of the death and the holidays are terrible times for me. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking of them on these days. And if I get quiet and withdrawn, just know that I am thinking about them and don't try to coerce me into being cheerful.
  
• I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink or to a party, this is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have hurt before and I can heal.
  
• I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self', you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - maybe you'll still like me.

Source Unknown

taken and adapted from http://www.bereavementcare.com.au/stories_poems/my_wish_list.htm