I used to love Sex and the City. It's witty, girly, and dating/relationship adventures are something everyone can relate to. But now that I'm 6 months into my 30s, and single, and dating....watching Sex and the City just makes me feel somewhat depressed. I think I relate to it just a little too much (I'm somewhere between a Carrie and a Miranda), and it makes me feel lonely, and it makes me fear that I'll end up alone.
Also, the older I am and the more guys I go out on dates with, the more I think I'm dating half the male characters from that show! Case in point: the whirlwind romance. The first real feelings/interest in someone since the f**ked up situation with Andy. (Sidenote: things with my new flatmate are fantastic, and not inappropriate or complicated at all)
Day 1: We meet at a big party, immediately hit it off, and become inseparable for a large portion of the night. We have an amazing first kiss; something we both agreed upon (and he mentioned it first). We go home together that night, and have an amazing day 2.
Day 2: Lazy morning talking - actually talking - in bed. A jaunt to my local farmer's market, a walk through my neighbourhood, brunch at my favourite breakfast place, another walk, and then coffee at my place before he goes home at 5. We talked comfortably, and openly, the entire day. (Another side note: turns out we're from the same hometown in Canada! But he's been here 11 years. We also share many many other interests and opinions. Lots of laughter. He mentions how some of the best relationships start as a one-night stand....is this a hint? Foreshadowing?
Day 3: A couple of text messages and a phone call - from him - setting up a date for later in the week. Lots of laughter.
Day 4: More text messages and another phone call, this one lasting three hours (and I'm not a phone person at all, normally). Lots of laughter.
Day 5: He comes over after work, and we have dinner together. He spends the night, we have a fabulous evening, and stay in bed as long as we can in the morning before having to get up and leave for work. More long and interesting conversations. Lots of laughter.
Day 6: Even though we saw each other just that morning, there's a lengthy phone call that night.
Day 7: Text messages throughout the day, and a long phone call at night setting up a date for the next day. I go out to a party, and we send each other a couple of photos throughout the night, of how our night's going.
Day 8: Date time. He picks me up, and because I've never been to his part of town (which is across the harbour), he takes me for a drive around the Northern beaches. We admire the stunning views, and there's talk about how glad we are that we met each other. I meet his parents (Eeek!!), and they love me. Turns out his mother was renting a movie that night that I loved, and we discussed that.
We get changed at his place, for the evening part of our date. He takes me for dinner to a really fancy restaurant (there were reservations made and everything), we totally splurge, and he doesn't let me pay. In fact, he doesn't let me pay for anything the entire night. He makes a comment about us and New Year's Eve this year, which I silently note but outwardly pretend I didn't pick up. After dinner, we spend the evening wine bar-hopping around his area. He takes me to all of his favourite places, we crash a VIP birthday party, and I meet most of his friends (and he apparently proceeds to tell them all how perfect I am and how much he loves hanging out with me). We don't get home until close to 2am, yet we don't go to sleep for another couple of hours.
Day 9: We wake up at 8am (?!) and stay in bed till noon, talking and laughing. We shower, and go out for breakfast to his favourite place. Then we go for a long walk along the beach, where we have a few serious conversations, and somewhat admit our feelings for each other. During a light hearted conversation he mentions that he knows what to get me for my birthday (which is in December; and he knows that). Again, I silently take note, but outwardly pretend I didn't notice what he said. He also tells me that he doesn't introduce many girls to his parents, and that it's been a looooong time since he has, so this is something special.
We mention how we love spending time together, and how easy the conversation is. We drive to a garage sale one of my friends is having, and he's a hit with some of my gay friends. Then we go out for dinner (and again, he doesn't let me pay), then go back to mine. We watch some vintage SNL, and he asks if he can stay the night (because we're having so much fun and he doesn't want the date to be over yet). Of course I agree, and we have another fabulous night. We talk about how we seem to get each other, and understand what we're each about, and he says I get the award for the most easy-to-talk-to-person-ever. We discuss how glad we are that we met each other (all topics which he initiates), and we discuss future date-things we'd like to do. Also, he's a total cat person like me, and absolutely adores my cat! Winston even sleeps on the bed with us.
Day 10: We wake up and go to work. There's a great phone call that evening (again, he called me). He mentions how amazing it is that in such a short amount of time we've had such an amazing connection, and that he feels we actually know each other pretty well considering (and I agree).
Day 11: Normally when I start dating someone knew, I'm pretty quiet about it. Outside my inner circle of friends, I don't tend to discuss my personal life until it's something pretty serious. Yet I'm so confident about things with Mr. Canada, and so excited, that I tell my work friends and colleagues. I start referring to "the guy I've just started seeing". We text throughout the day, and I call him that night.
Day 12: He calls me on my lunch hour, we text throughout the day, and I call him briefly after work. He invites me to a movie the next day, but I can't because it's my friend's birthday. So we plan a date for the weekend. There's talk about how we can't wait to see each other again. He tells me how his mother loved the movie she saw, and told him to tell me that I must get together with her and we'd watch it together. He mentions how he loves that I fit in with everyone in his life, and I mention how I can't wait for him to meet my friends.
Day 13: We text on the way into work. He calls me on my lunch hour again. I gush to my colleagues about him. We talk on the phone on my way to my friend's birthday (he calls me), and we talk on the phone after, when I'm on my way home (I call him). He mentions he likes having sleepovers with me. We both express excitement about our date: I'm going to cook us a romantic steak dinner, and we're going to watch a movie and have a quiet night in, just the two of us. He'll spend the night, we'll have a lazy Sunday morning, and then go off and do our own thing.
Day 14: It's Friday night. I call him on my lunch, and he calls me at night on his way out to hang with "the boys". We finalize plans for the next day, and mention that we're looking forward to spending time together again because it's been a while.
Day 15: He's supposed to arrive at mine between 5-6. I have the wine ready, and dinner on the go, when he hasn't arrived by 6 and I haven't heard anything from him. I phone him, to get an ETA, and he's still at home! Says he's too hung over, and he's going to stay in for the night. No apology or explanation as to why he didn't contact me earlier. I get annoyed, and this leads to a conversation where he tells me he doesn't want to continue this.
He tells me - and I think he started crying at one point (I know I did) - that he thinks I'm amazing. That he loves hanging out with me, and gets excited to see me, and that our connection is really special and rare. He tells me that he's told all his friends how amazing and perfect I am. And then he tells me that somehow, for some reason, he just doesn't see us together in "the big picture", and he can't explain why. Says he doesn't feel those kinds of butterflies, and that he knows himself well enough to know that if he doesn't feel them now, he never will. He says he can see us together quite easily and happily for 6 months or so, but doesn't see it progressing further than that, and he can't explain why. He also says he can't understand it himself, as he (supposedly) thinks I'm amazing, and special, and perfect for him, and that I'm every single thing he wants in a partner. Yet he's decided to call it quits.
And he apologizes for standing me up - offers no excuses but owns up to it being a jerky thing to do.
He says this is hard for him, because he does have feelings for me and he knows he'll miss me a lot, but that he also knows it's the right thing to do. I'm nothing but confused, shocked, hurt, and sad. Especially over how contradictory he's being. I rip into him for all the ways he lead me on. He does nothing but a) agree, and b) try to convince me that he meant - and still means - everything he said and did.
Then he says all he wants to do is jump in his car, drive over to my place, and give me a hug. Of course I shut down that idea. He also says that I can call him any time, and to feel free to call him anything at all - day, night, whatever - if I want to talk about things. Again, I shut this down. He doesn't get to lead me on, stand me up, dump me, and then offer (ask?) to be my confidant-comfort person.
Needless to say I was blindsided. And I feel foolish and embarrassed. And I didn't sleep well. And two of my amazing friends tag-teamed each other today to spend time with me and make sure I was doing ok and keeping busy. And my flatmate bought me ice cream. I have such amazing friends.
And you know what? Watching Sex and the City just made me feel worse.
Also, the older I am and the more guys I go out on dates with, the more I think I'm dating half the male characters from that show! Case in point: the whirlwind romance. The first real feelings/interest in someone since the f**ked up situation with Andy. (Sidenote: things with my new flatmate are fantastic, and not inappropriate or complicated at all)
Day 1: We meet at a big party, immediately hit it off, and become inseparable for a large portion of the night. We have an amazing first kiss; something we both agreed upon (and he mentioned it first). We go home together that night, and have an amazing day 2.
Day 2: Lazy morning talking - actually talking - in bed. A jaunt to my local farmer's market, a walk through my neighbourhood, brunch at my favourite breakfast place, another walk, and then coffee at my place before he goes home at 5. We talked comfortably, and openly, the entire day. (Another side note: turns out we're from the same hometown in Canada! But he's been here 11 years. We also share many many other interests and opinions. Lots of laughter. He mentions how some of the best relationships start as a one-night stand....is this a hint? Foreshadowing?
Day 3: A couple of text messages and a phone call - from him - setting up a date for later in the week. Lots of laughter.
Day 4: More text messages and another phone call, this one lasting three hours (and I'm not a phone person at all, normally). Lots of laughter.
Day 5: He comes over after work, and we have dinner together. He spends the night, we have a fabulous evening, and stay in bed as long as we can in the morning before having to get up and leave for work. More long and interesting conversations. Lots of laughter.
Day 6: Even though we saw each other just that morning, there's a lengthy phone call that night.
Day 7: Text messages throughout the day, and a long phone call at night setting up a date for the next day. I go out to a party, and we send each other a couple of photos throughout the night, of how our night's going.
Day 8: Date time. He picks me up, and because I've never been to his part of town (which is across the harbour), he takes me for a drive around the Northern beaches. We admire the stunning views, and there's talk about how glad we are that we met each other. I meet his parents (Eeek!!), and they love me. Turns out his mother was renting a movie that night that I loved, and we discussed that.
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| {Manly Beach} |
Day 9: We wake up at 8am (?!) and stay in bed till noon, talking and laughing. We shower, and go out for breakfast to his favourite place. Then we go for a long walk along the beach, where we have a few serious conversations, and somewhat admit our feelings for each other. During a light hearted conversation he mentions that he knows what to get me for my birthday (which is in December; and he knows that). Again, I silently take note, but outwardly pretend I didn't notice what he said. He also tells me that he doesn't introduce many girls to his parents, and that it's been a looooong time since he has, so this is something special.
We mention how we love spending time together, and how easy the conversation is. We drive to a garage sale one of my friends is having, and he's a hit with some of my gay friends. Then we go out for dinner (and again, he doesn't let me pay), then go back to mine. We watch some vintage SNL, and he asks if he can stay the night (because we're having so much fun and he doesn't want the date to be over yet). Of course I agree, and we have another fabulous night. We talk about how we seem to get each other, and understand what we're each about, and he says I get the award for the most easy-to-talk-to-person-ever. We discuss how glad we are that we met each other (all topics which he initiates), and we discuss future date-things we'd like to do. Also, he's a total cat person like me, and absolutely adores my cat! Winston even sleeps on the bed with us.
Day 10: We wake up and go to work. There's a great phone call that evening (again, he called me). He mentions how amazing it is that in such a short amount of time we've had such an amazing connection, and that he feels we actually know each other pretty well considering (and I agree).
Day 11: Normally when I start dating someone knew, I'm pretty quiet about it. Outside my inner circle of friends, I don't tend to discuss my personal life until it's something pretty serious. Yet I'm so confident about things with Mr. Canada, and so excited, that I tell my work friends and colleagues. I start referring to "the guy I've just started seeing". We text throughout the day, and I call him that night.
Day 12: He calls me on my lunch hour, we text throughout the day, and I call him briefly after work. He invites me to a movie the next day, but I can't because it's my friend's birthday. So we plan a date for the weekend. There's talk about how we can't wait to see each other again. He tells me how his mother loved the movie she saw, and told him to tell me that I must get together with her and we'd watch it together. He mentions how he loves that I fit in with everyone in his life, and I mention how I can't wait for him to meet my friends.
Day 13: We text on the way into work. He calls me on my lunch hour again. I gush to my colleagues about him. We talk on the phone on my way to my friend's birthday (he calls me), and we talk on the phone after, when I'm on my way home (I call him). He mentions he likes having sleepovers with me. We both express excitement about our date: I'm going to cook us a romantic steak dinner, and we're going to watch a movie and have a quiet night in, just the two of us. He'll spend the night, we'll have a lazy Sunday morning, and then go off and do our own thing.
Day 14: It's Friday night. I call him on my lunch, and he calls me at night on his way out to hang with "the boys". We finalize plans for the next day, and mention that we're looking forward to spending time together again because it's been a while.
Day 15: He's supposed to arrive at mine between 5-6. I have the wine ready, and dinner on the go, when he hasn't arrived by 6 and I haven't heard anything from him. I phone him, to get an ETA, and he's still at home! Says he's too hung over, and he's going to stay in for the night. No apology or explanation as to why he didn't contact me earlier. I get annoyed, and this leads to a conversation where he tells me he doesn't want to continue this.
He tells me - and I think he started crying at one point (I know I did) - that he thinks I'm amazing. That he loves hanging out with me, and gets excited to see me, and that our connection is really special and rare. He tells me that he's told all his friends how amazing and perfect I am. And then he tells me that somehow, for some reason, he just doesn't see us together in "the big picture", and he can't explain why. Says he doesn't feel those kinds of butterflies, and that he knows himself well enough to know that if he doesn't feel them now, he never will. He says he can see us together quite easily and happily for 6 months or so, but doesn't see it progressing further than that, and he can't explain why. He also says he can't understand it himself, as he (supposedly) thinks I'm amazing, and special, and perfect for him, and that I'm every single thing he wants in a partner. Yet he's decided to call it quits.
And he apologizes for standing me up - offers no excuses but owns up to it being a jerky thing to do.
He says this is hard for him, because he does have feelings for me and he knows he'll miss me a lot, but that he also knows it's the right thing to do. I'm nothing but confused, shocked, hurt, and sad. Especially over how contradictory he's being. I rip into him for all the ways he lead me on. He does nothing but a) agree, and b) try to convince me that he meant - and still means - everything he said and did.
Then he says all he wants to do is jump in his car, drive over to my place, and give me a hug. Of course I shut down that idea. He also says that I can call him any time, and to feel free to call him anything at all - day, night, whatever - if I want to talk about things. Again, I shut this down. He doesn't get to lead me on, stand me up, dump me, and then offer (ask?) to be my confidant-comfort person.
Needless to say I was blindsided. And I feel foolish and embarrassed. And I didn't sleep well. And two of my amazing friends tag-teamed each other today to spend time with me and make sure I was doing ok and keeping busy. And my flatmate bought me ice cream. I have such amazing friends.
And you know what? Watching Sex and the City just made me feel worse.
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| {out on the town together} |
Omg. What a jerk... Seriously!? He practically planned your lives together that first week! I feel for you... The only silver lining is that it's better to find out now that in 6 mths down the track? Sending lots of positive thoughts your way x
ReplyDeleteThat is just like Sex and the City! I cannot believe he did that!! Best wishes for the future!
ReplyDeleteUGH!!! That guy is such a douchebag. (Can I say that? I feel like that would fly on S&TC...) I had a guy do a similar thing to me once, and I was devastated. It's absolutely heartbreaking to have something burn so hot + bright for a few weeks, and then to just have it snuffed out.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can ever crack these situations up to, is that you happened to found a commitmentphile. Unlike most men (who are commitmentphobes), I truly believe there are a few who are serial commitmentphiles, or maybe just happen to go through a phase where they're SO ready to commit, that they just PLUNGE in without thinking big picture. You're gorgeous, smart and witty...and they're ready to commit! RIGHT NOW! It's two weeks or a month of Christmas plans (in May), "Do-you-want-kids?", and where-should-we-vacation-together...only to have them suddenly, screechingly put on the brakes.
It's like they have this moment where they realize what commitment actually is. And that life isn't always tummy-butterflies and hot, steamy nights. And then they're just gone. (Or, they stand you up for a home made dinner date, and break up with you over the phone. Biggest jerk move ever.)
Anyway. I've run my mouth enough, but I just wanted you to know that although your situation is totally unique, you're not alone! I know that feeling...and some of my girlfriends do, too. It's the worst. But I'm sending you loads of virtual ice cream + hugs.
Get back out there, girl, once you do a little healing. Don't let one bad apple stop you from sampling the rest of the orchard. ;)
Thank you for all the love and hugs and virtual ice cream, girls! It makes me feel not alone. And Bethany, you are SO right. Commitmentphile. I love it. That's *exactly* what he is. The douchebag. Indeed.
ReplyDelete