a very "womanly" post.....

{image taken from here}

Warning: This post has to do with "feminine" things...not normally a topic for blog posts....

My mother forwarded this to me a few years ago, and I have no idea who to credit for it.  If you know, please tell me!  I just re-found it when I was clearing out my inbox, and it - again - made me laugh right out loud.

This is an actual letter from an Austin
woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their
feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.
It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning
letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your
'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their
features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd
probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly
steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But
my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel
each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period,Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't.
Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can
already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a
few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into
a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people
must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in
Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month,
while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my
body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there,
printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy
Period.'

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James?  FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak
girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house
just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting
Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in
monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business
elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not
for one minute miss your brand of condescending messages. And that's a
promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin ,  TX