a platonic love story

{my beautiful friend, Ian}

Ian and Ej met in first year university.  They lived in dorms, on the same floor, and for the first two weeks of school they hated each other.  He thought she was the biggest stuck up priss, and she thought he was the most obnoxious, chauvinistic asshole.  It wasn't until they were stuck working on a project together that they realized they had really misjudged each other.  They quickly became good friends and each other's side kicks.  They partied together, ate together, and hung out together all the time.  She would visit him at the on campus lounge he worked at, and he would go to every play she was cast in.  They helped each other through breakups, depression, and poverty.  They celebrated all the good things, too, and when there wasn't a sliver lining to a situation, they'd make one up.

During their second year of friendship, Ian worked near where Ej lived, and more often than not he crashed on her couch.  Throughout their friendship during her university career (he switched paths after first year), they saw each other almost every day.

He was a wicked guitar player, and together they bought Ej a guitar and he taught her "Brown Eyed Girl" (and, as he's always said, after that he wanted to "shoot Van Morrison for even producing the song in the first place").  For the next decade he called her his brown eyed girl.  For the next decade, they'd let each other know any time they heard the song on the radio, and even though he pretended to hate the song, really, he loved it.  When Ej got an iPhone, and was out one night where the band started playing their song, she recorded it on her phone and sent it to him (along with her drunkenly yelling to him in the background about how awesome it was that they were playing their song).

Four years into their friendship, Ej went traveling for a year.  Ian secretly saved all the mass emails she sent out (these were the days before facebook), and when she returned, he printed them out, bound them together, and gave them to her as a Christmas gift.  Along with the most beautiful friendship-love letter the world has ever seen.  This is still the most precious gift Ej has ever been given.  Through all the traveling and moving she has done, she has kept this with her.  It has always been a strong reminder that if nothing else, there is at least one person in her life (outside her family) who's got her back.  One person who accepted her for all her faults, and loved her unconditionally.  As Ian wrote in the letter, "Our friendship is something that is incomparable to a lot of friendships...Ya know there have been times when...I'll get off the phone and my eyes swell up knowing that I have you as such a wonderful friend who cares so much about me...and you know that I am always there for you as well.  It means the world to me, it really does.  And always remember that I'm never far away, and that I love you!!"


Even though they have not lived in the same city for years, and they will go months without speaking, they still loved each other just as much as they ever did.  Eleven years after discovering that they didn't hate each other after all, they were still so close that the occasional person would wonder if they were really just platonic.  In fact, throughout this past year, when Ej had gone through so much, Ian sent her weekly text messages checking up on her and reminding her that he loved and missed her, and that she could call him any time she needed to.

Ian filled my heart with joy every minute that I knew him.  Even when he was pissing me off.  I have thousands upon thousands of memories with him, and every single one of them makes me happy.   He was a loyal, compassionate, and fiercely devoted friend.  He taught me a lot about friendship, and what it means to truly love and respect someone for who they are.

Ian passed away on January 19, 2011, of a heart aneurysm.  It was quick and painless.  He was 29 years old.

He may have left this world, but he will never, ever leave my heart.  Every tear I shed is a celebration of his life, and every memory I have is a blessing.  I will be forever grateful that he gave me the experience of such a real and special friendship.  And I will be forever lucky that he was, and will always be, a part of my life.  I will always miss him.